Wednesday, September 17, 2008

tears dry on their own

it's funny ...you wouldn't think that music and yoga go together. i mean yoga is suppose to quiet the mind. but for me- every class and experience here is somehow tied to a song i've heard, a verse, or lyrics that inspire me. so whenever i blog- i usually turn on my itunes and today amy winehouses' 'tears dry on their own' can summarize the end of every class i've taken so far. it is not that this is extremely difficult(at least not yet) but when they hit the lights off at the end of every class i lose it. i have never been one of those girls that cries in class- in fact i don't really like for people to see me cry- who does - right? i was telling some of my friends here that i think it is because during the day we are so busy with class, posture clinic, lectures and just figuring out the routine here that i have absolutely no down time to really thing about my friends and family back home or this whole huge collective amazing experience we are all sharing together. so after class i am completely opened up and extremely vulnerable that i lose it. we are talking fetal position tears. i literally roll up into a ball. usually i would be embarrassed or try to hold it it but so far i'm saying bring it on! let the floodgates open! this is such a detoxification process that i feel like whatever needs to come out should come out. i must say it is quite humbling though. doing yoga like a champ for 2 hours and then getting to the mat and turning into a sobbing child. oh well- it's real - it is part of life. i can accept that. but man- when the fetal position sob fest hits you- it hits you. 

i have felt very strong in class so far. it is a challenge for sure but i haven't been allowing myself to really sit out and i have actually been afraid to lay down because if i did that it would for sure be over. but if you have to take a knee you have to take a knee. rajashree took it easy on us in the morning class. i think it was what everyone needed after the massive evacuation that took place last night. seriously it was like a battle field. yogi soldiers were dropping left and right. people were being carried out of the room. it was scary. i was very thankful that i wasn't a 'man down.' but this morning i had an amazing class. because raj was taking it easy i felt like i was able to push myself and my flexibility more throughout the postures.

and thanks to 'cookie' baker for the yoga sling- it came in quite handy on the way to class this morning. love you!

3 comments:

Erin said...

alli! i'm loving your blog! i have been thinking about you so much this week and sending you lots of love. loved joe's mantra idea...and remember if you fel like you may fall out, reach higher to god, he'll help to lift you again.

i love you!

Sally said...

Allison,
I am a spring 08 grad and am enjoying (reliving:(!!) your blog. Hang in there, I totally relate, take each moment by moment and just put one foot in front of the other each day. Good luck to you and be proud of yourself for doing this!!
Sally

allison said...

thanks sally and ec for the encouragement!