night of the living dead

i'm officially yoga-ed out.

so this morning i felt like an oak tree. a solid tree trunk- i couldn't bend at all. every time i tried to push it a little further it literally felt like razor blades in my spine. i had to come back and take a nap which i never do after class- i was wiped.

lecture/posture clinic was a beat down as well- bikram was having to wake up several trainees left and right. everyone is just wiped out.

so i really went into the evening class needing it. a chiper ausie named yella (i think) taught and it was a great class for me as far as flexibilty goes and going deeper into my practice. i felt very strong and when the class was over i was so grateful and content. 

however a moment later it was announced we were not to leave the room. oh shit. a third class. yes that's right bikram walked in and said 'check check one two.' seconds later we went into our third pranayama breathing (fifth if you count both sets) for the day. the tears started to flow. normally i don't cry until the floor series but i just lost it. not because i couldn't do it or did not want to but because i knew i had no choice. losing control is hard for me. i don't like being made to do anything- i guess no on really does. eventually after i wrestled with myself emotionally and just told myself this too shall pass i was able to stop crying. but looking around the room- people were dropping like flies. dry heaving, cramping, crying, throwing up- it was like we rewinded time to week one. a bunch of yoga zombies. it is difficult not to pick up on the air of desperation in the room. it didn't help that people were leaving the room to get more water and my group was on the back row right by the door where we could see every moment of the gatorade distribution line that formed just feet away from me behind the glass doors. that was the biggest temptation- leaving the room- escaping the chaos- get a frosty glass of orange gatorade. but i did not cave in- i did every posture. it was by no means my best piece of work and i wouldn't but it in my portfolio...but i made it through. in final savasana, bikram turned on his cd and i swear if i have to hear that one more time i might just pull my hair out. sometimes i close my eyes and ask myself how i arrived here- at this very moment- and what the heck am i doing here? it really feels like you are in some sort of trippy movie that if you tried to rationalize it or explain it to people they would look at you like you are crazy. i feel like i am going crazy. let's pray all 300 plus trainees don't go crazy tonight when we have to stay up watching movies. the festivities begin at 10. i'm trying to hold back my excitement.